AWM Violence & Abuse Recovery Program Agenda Session 3 Part 3D1 & Part 3D2
- Start session with prayer – ask Holy Spirit to give you understanding and give you inner healing
- Study each part of session highlighted – this program as well as the other ones focus on healing of the spirit, soul, & body
- Rap Up – write down any questions you may have and send them to me before the next part is sent to you on Tuesday
- Homework: complete any homework for this session and return to me before for next Tuesday
- Close in Prayer – just pray what you feel in your heart
- THIS IS THE LAST PART OF THIS PROGRAM; THE "ANGER MANAGEMENT RECOVERY PROGRAM" WILL BEGIN FEBRUARY 4, 2014
Violence & Abuse Recovery Program
Lesson: Session Three – Part 3D – 1-January 28, 2014 – Study This
Session Three’s Goal: to recognize Abuse and its Cycle
- Understand Why Abusers Abuse – Part 3A – Dec 4th
- Understand Why The Victim Stays – Part 3A – Dec 4th
- Develop Strategies for Breaking the Cycle of Abuse – Part 3B – Dec 11th /Part 3C- Jan 14th / Part 3D - Jan 21st/ Part 3D -1 & 3D-2-Jan 28th
Strategies for breaking the Cycle of Abuse – Important Categories of Abuse:
Partial list of the abuser’s fiendishly inventive stratagems and mechanisms (continued):
- Control by Proxy - If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbors, the media, teachers — in short, third parties — to do his bidding. He uses them to persuade, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target- He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey; he employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props (the ones he uses) unceremoniously (callously) when the job is done. Another form of control by proxy is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon another person. Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment and humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation, disgrace, or even physical punishment) against the victim. Society or a social group become the instruments of the abuser.
TIP - Often the abusers proxies are unaware of their role. Expose him. Inform them. Demonstrate to them how they are being abused, misused, and plain used by the abuser. Trap your abuser. Treat him as he treats you (not in the sense of getting even but use tactics to expose him; once the enemy is exposed, he will either give up or run away. However, most likely, the abuser will not give up but runaway; to his next “mark” to make them a victim.) Involve others. Bring it into the open. Nothing like sunshine to disinfest abuse (stop the secret abuse).
Lesson: Session Three – Part 3D – 2 - January 28, 2014 – Study This
Session Three’s Goal: to recognize Abuse and its Cycle
- Understand Why Abusers Abuse – Part 3A – Dec 4th
- Understand Why The Victim Stays – Part 3A – Dec 4th
- Develop Strategies for Breaking the Cycle of Abuse – Part 3B – Dec 11th /Part 3C- Jan 14th / Part 3D - Jan 21st/ Part 3D -1 & 3D-2-Jan 28th
Strategies for breaking the Cycle of Abuse – Important Categories of Abuse:
Partial list of the abuser’s fiendishly inventive stratagems and mechanisms (continued):
- Ambient Abuse - The fostering, breeding, and enhancement of an atmosphere of fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability and irritation. There are no acts of traceable explicit abuse, nor any manipulative settings of control. Yet, the irksome feeling remains, a disagreeable foreboding, a premonition, a bad omen. In the long term, such an environment erodes the victim’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Self - confidence is shaken badly. Often, the victim adopts a paranoid (fearful; mistrustful; obsessed; unreasonable; suspicious) or schizoid (schizoid means: “tending toward schizophrenia - showing some of the symptoms of schizophrenia such as withdrawal into the self and a tendency to fantasize” – Encarta Dictionary.com; thus, becoming a paranoid schizophrenic) stance and thus renders herself exposed even more to criticism and judgment. The roles are thus reversed: the victim is considered mentally deranged and the abuser — the suffering soul; abusers are hit men for the devil.
TIP - Run! Get away! Ambient abuse often develops to overt and violent abuse. You don’t owe anyone an explanation - but you owe yourself a life, Bail out.
Violence in the family often follows other forms of more subtle and long - term abuse: verbal, emotional, and psychological sexual, or financial. It is closely correlated with alcoholism, drug consumption, intimate-partner homicide, teen pregnancy, infant and child mortality, spontaneous abortion, reckless behaviors, suicide, and the onset of mental health disorders.
Most abusers and batterers are males — but a significant minority is women. This being a “Women’s Issue”, the problem was swept under the carpet for generations and only recently has it come to public awareness.
Yet, even today, society for instance, through the court and the mental health systems — largely ignores domestic violence and abuse in the family. This induces feelings of shame and guilt in the victims and “legitimizes” the role of the abuser.
Violence in the family is mostly spousal — one spouse beating, raping, or otherwise physically harming and torturing the other. But children are also and often victims — either directly, or indirectly- Other vulnerable familial groups include the elderly and the disabled.
Abuse and violence cross geographical and cultural boundaries and social and economic strata. It is common among the rich and the poor, the well-educated and the less so, the young and the middle-aged, city dwellers and rural folk. It is a universal phenomenon.
Conclusion: This concludes the “Violence & Abuse” Recovery Program!
Handout on “Long Term Effects of Violence & Abuse” Attached!
Click here for PDF version of Violence & Abuse Recovery Session 3 Parts 3D1 & 3D2
God bless you on your journey to recovery!
Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks
NOTE: These materials are copyright protected therefore you must request permission to reproduce any part of this material. To request permission, please contact Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks: dehooks@abusedwoman.org.
