Wednesday, August 29, 2012

An Important Message for ALL Parents!!



Parents make sure you tell your children you love them every day!!! No exceptions!!! It does not matter whether or not if you believe they know you love them already!!! Tell them and show them!! Don't holler at them and call them names or cuss at them!! You will be creating dysfunctional children!! Fathers, it is imperative that you  show your daughters love; if you don't you will cause her to look for love in men who will abuse her-I know, it happened to me more than seven times (that is the number of marriages I was in-not counting relationships where I was looking for love because my father never showed me love and still do not today-no matter how much I have reached out to him; he refuses to have a relationship with me). I am not saying this to trash my father, let me make that clear-I love my father and I have forgiven him-he probably does not know how to love and he was probably treated the same way he treats me by his parents so he does not know any better.
 
This is why I am talking to you parents about loving your children NOW before they grow up and mistreat THEIR children because of what they learned as a child!!! I used myself as an example of what happened to me to show you what could and what most likely will happen if there is no relationship between daughter and father. Girls need more attention than boys but boys still need to be shown love.
 
There is an emptiness within us that requires us to have relationships with our parents, family and friends (on the human side-of course the first relationship is between God and ourselves). Each of the above people have a different place in our hearts (you will not love them the same).
 
We all need love to survive!!! God showed us the greatest form of love when He loved us while we were still sinners and sent His only begotten Son Jesus to die for us!! We are to love one another so people of the world will see we are children of God!!! There is a bond between parent and children that cannot be broken; I don't care what happen. I love my family and it does not matter how they feel about me!!
 
A child at birth knows the difference between its mother and someone else. A child depends on its mother to take care of him/her if no one else does. A girl depends on her father to protect her and love her if no one else does; her father is her super hero!!! Parents again, take care of your own children!! Don't put them off on other people to be abused and mistreated!!! Don't talk to them any kind of way; they will NEVER forget it!!! No, that is a lie, time does not heal old wounds; it makes them fester and eventually, it will explode!!! The person who is in the way when it does happen, is going to get the full rage of it!!
 
Why do you think there are serial killers? Why you think there are social paths? Why do you think there are people who have all types of mental disorders and social behaviors?? They did not choose to be that way; it came from the way they were treated when they were a child. I have studied psychology for over 20 years and it has been proven that the way a child is treated from birth on... determines how he or she will be when they grow up. If a child is abused or in a household where the mother or others are abused, the child will grow up thinking abuse is normal behavior; he or she will either get into an abusive relationship or become the abuser themselves - abuse is a learned behavior!!
 
This was on my heart to talk to you parents!! And I know it came from God; I was sitting here doing something else when it came to me to write this blog! God wanted me to tell you to love and support your children; help them where you can-even if they get into trouble-don't throw them away because they make mistakes-love them anyway!!! God still love you when you make mistakes and He help you-even when you are serving Him-He said He rain on the just as well as the unjust so love your children through action and telling them!! Hug them and tell you love them!! If you hug them while they are young, when they get older and you try to hug them, they will not pull away and think it is awkward!!
 
I am not just saying God put this on my heart because I want you to read and believe it; that is up to you - accept it or don't accept it - I don't lie on God!! But I pray as you read this, the Holy Spirit will give you a witness in your spirit that what I am writing here is true and God will heal you everywhere you hurt and heal your broken relationships with your children and other family members!! It is time for families to stop bickering, fussing, fighting, hating, etc. each other over stupid stuff and come together in love!! Put old junk behind you all and move forward!! It does not matter what happened to cause you all to stop speaking, now is the time for families to come together in love and unity.
 
The devil is the author of confusion and he does not want families or anyone else to come together; he love to cause confusion in relationships!!
 
Choose today to allow God to restore your relationship with your family; if there never was one, as God to show you what needs to be done to create one! Love your family no matter what! It all begins with you!!
 
 
Peace to you and your families!! God loves you all sooooooooo much!!!
 
Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Word of The Lord From 1 Corinthians 10:13




Scripture: 1 Corinthians 10:13 (Amplified - AMP)
13 For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.”

There is nothing you go through that does not have a way of escape!! The Way of escape is Jesus!! He has ALREADY given you freedom over two thousand years ago!! Now, it is up to YOU to accept Jesus as YOUR personal Lord and Savior, so you can begin to walk in total freedom!! There is NO freedom, NO peace, No comfort, No real wealth without Him. John 1:3 says: “All things were made and came into existence through Him; and without Him was not even one thing made that has come into being” (AMP – biblegateway.com).

Therefore, EVERYTHING that the devil meant for evil, God is turning it around for your good! God does not tempt you; you are tempted because of your own evil desires. This is what James 1:13-15 says - (AMP – biblegateway.com): 

13 Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted from God; for God is incapable of being tempted by [what is] evil and He Himself tempts no one. 14 But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions). 15 Then the evil desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully matured, brings forth death.

If God cannot be tempted by evil, and He is in us in the fullness, we should not be able to be tempted by evil either!!! The devil is not going to be able to tempt us, with what is not in our hearts; what we already want to do (the passions and lusts that are not already there). The devil cannot read our minds, but he has familiar spirits that watch our behavior from birth and these spirits report to other spirits, they network, working together to try and cause our down fall.

When we accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior, those spirits really get to work, trying to convince us, through suggestion-they put thoughts in our head, that we want this or that. But if WE connect our heart to God’s heart, and want what He wants, EVERYTHING else will line up in our lives because our will is in agreement with God’s will; we will not be going against God in our hearts-we wanting one thing, when God wants so much more and better for us!!

Get rid of those desires in your heart (lusting after a man, woman, especially if they are someone else’s spouse-that is adultery, etc.) that will kill (sin causes death-you will NEVER be able to satisfy the lust of the flesh-if you get that person you are lusting after, it will not last because lust will never be satisfied- there is ALWAYS someone better looking than the person you thought you had to have-and the cycle will never end, until you turn your life totally over to Jesus) and desire God and the things of God; this is what’s going to give you abundant life-the life Jesus has ALREADY provided and given to you!! All you have to do to receive abundant life is to accept Jesus as YOUR personal Lord and Savior!! It is a gift!! You do not have to work for it!! We are saved by grace through faith (in the finished work of Christ)!! This is what Ephesians 2:8-9 says:

8 For it is by free grace (God’s unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; 9 Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law’s demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.]

Jesus completed the work for you; don’t allow the enemy to tell you anything differently!! Don’t allow him to use what is in you against you-because he will and his purpose is to destroy you!! Let me give you an example using myself of how the enemy works to destroy you; especially after you accept Christ:  I use to be an alcoholic, so when I first accepted Christ, I kept backsliding because the desire to drink was so strong in me. Where did that desire come from? The enemy used what was already in me, what I was used to doing before I accepted Christ, to keep me in bondage to it. The enemy knew my pattern-my weakness; when I would get upset, I would drink.

Therefore, what would the devil do? The devil would cause all kind of chaos in my life, knowing it would push me to the bottle-and it worked. Then I would feel guilty and cry before God, asking Him to forgive me; not knowing God had already forgiven me, over two thousand years ago, when Jesus died on the cross for me. God knew I would backslide over and over and over, so He made provisions for me to come back to Him from the backsliding, through the death of Jesus. God told me after one of my backsliding moments, that the steps of a good man is ordered by Him and though he (the good man) falls, he is not utterly cast down (Psalm 37:23-24). Why would God call ME, a backsliding drunkard (that is how I saw myself then) “a good man?” God called me, how He saw me; He saw me as a good man because of the finished work of His dear Son Jesus!! God saw me as the righteousness of Himself, through Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:21) – Jesus became sin for me and for you and ALL mankind!! Jesus came and fulfilled the law which had condemned us to death (Romans Chapter 8, Hebrews 8:6-13, Romans 6:14-16; Jesus conqueror death, hell (took the keys of death and hell  – [Revelation 1:18]) and the grave, when He died and was resurrected (1 Corinthians 15:55).

God is teaching me now more than ever, who He is through His messages!! These messages are causing me to abandon myself and seek more after God; I want to know Him more and I want my will, to line up with His will for my life!! The desires in my heart of what I want to do is fading and all I want to do is please Him more, to love Him more; not seek after vain, empty things that only cause me death!! I aim to live the abundant life Jesus died so I could live!! I am not talking about a big house on the hill or fancy car or a lot of money in the bank, etc. (although ALL that and more will be mine but right now, I am not desiring them, I am desiring God)!! More of Him! More of His presence!! That is what I am seeking after – God!! The full manifested glory of God in my life; then ALL those other things will automatically come! My love for God is increasing because I am learning about His grace and who I am in Him in a deeper way; this revelation of God’s Word is causing me to abandon my thoughts, ways, actions, behaviors, old passions/desires of my heart and everything that is not of God, and run to Him!!

The Word let me know, that if we seek first the kingdom of God and His righteous, all those other things (the ones which are tied to our hearts that cause us to worry sometimes), will be added to us; as long as what we want, line up with God’s will for us [1 John 5:14-15] (Matthew 6:25-34).
NOTE: The righteousness that Jesus ALREADY provided for us-there is NO OTHER RIGHTEOUSNESS BUT HIS-we are not righteous without being IN Him and He IN us-we are members of His body, of His flesh and His bones [Ephesians 5:30]. We have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless, we live but it really is not us living, but Christ living in us [Galatians 2:20]. As the first Adam said about his bride Eve, Jesus is saying the same thing about us, His bride, “this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” [Genesis 2:23]),

I am writing out 1 John 5:14-15:

14 And this is the confidence (the assurance, the privilege of boldness) which we have in Him: [we are sure] that if we ask anything (make any request) according to His will (in agreement with His own plan), He listens to and hears us.
15 And if (since) we [positively] know that He listens to us in whatever we ask, we also know [with settled and absolute knowledge] that we have [granted us as our present possessions] the requests made of Him.

I did not know what God was saying then, when He told me what Psalm 37:23-24 said, so I kept going through that cycle of back sliding, until one day I begin to cry out to God for deliverance from a sincere heart; for God to deliver me from drinking. Yes, I had been praying before but THAT time, but the other times I prayed, I really did not want to stop drinking - I only prayed because I knew I should not be a Christian and drink alcohol. However, when my heart and my mouth lined up together in prayer, God instantly delivered me from drinking. I did not say a long prayer, and cry and carry on like I had in the past; I just said something like, "God if you up there, deliver me from drinking"-I had made a conscious decision to choose God, over alcohol!! I did not realize unto days later that I was delivered! It was something different-it hit me that I had not had a drink in about a week (I was use to drinking EVERY day-night and day).

But God!!!! Now, the devil cannot tempt me with alcohol, it is not one of my desires so he knows he would be wasting his time to try because that is not a desire of my heart anymore; I cannot stand to smell alcohol or be around it-unless God has me ministering to an alcoholic, then it does not bother me-that is a soul God loves and wants to deliver as He did me. God has made many ways in my life because of the One Way in my life; who is Jesus Christ!!! NOTHING is impossible with God!! He can and will do the impossible in YOUR life, if you release your heart’s desires to Him and agree with His will for your life!!!

If you are having a lot of temptations, search your heart and see what you desire!! What are the passions and lust of YOUR heart? The devil CANNOT bring out of you what is not already in you!!! He will only tempt you with what is your heart’s desire! The devil just talks (with thoughts, wrong people speaking into your life, suggestions, etc.) you into acting out what is in you-he uses your past against you. Whatever you had a problem with in the past and have not been fully delivered from (you will know if you are fully delivered-you no longer have a desire for that thing), the devil will keep bringing that thing or those things to you, telling you to do them until you either act on them or rebuke him by pulling down those strongholds in your mind and bring EVERY thought captive under the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:3-6)!!!

I beech you today to keep crying out to God until your mouth and heart are in agreement and God will deliver you from every evil desire of your heart!!!! But YOU got to release them to Him; He is not going to take it from you!!! YOU must show God that you want Him and love Him enough to let those evil desires GO!!!! You must show Him that He means more to you than anything or anybody on this planet!!!!! And you do this by searching your heart for things that are not of God and releasing them to God putting them on His altar and leaving them there!! Be honest with yourself; God already know what is in you!! Then you go after God like you never have before!! You seek God until you find Him; until He fills you with desires for Him and Him alone!! He said He would give us the desires of our heart so let us make a deeper relationship with God the desire of our heart instead of a new house, car, clothes, money, man, woman, and all other material thing!!

YOU have to put forth effort to be delivered; take responsibility for YOUR OWN DELIVERANCE!! STOP EXPECTING GOD TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU!!
Throughout the Bible you will see statements that let us know if we do this then God will do that. God is not going to do EVERYTHING for us! We must do what we can and leave what we cannot do to God; but we must actively participate in our deliverance. I mean we cannot continue in sin and say, like I have heard people say, “I am waiting for God to stop me from drinking and smoking.” No, YOU must decide to release those things to God!! God is not going to go against YOUR will; you are choosing to drink and smoke or whatever-you enjoy it because it gives you pleasure-it satisfies that desire, that passion in your heart to do it.

You must get tired of what you are doing or what you are going through before you can get delivered from it; otherwise, you will be like I was, on a roller coastal ride, up and down, one day you want to live for God and the next you want those desires in your heart, until you decide, enough is enough-I do not want THIS anymore!!! You must get sick and tired of being sick and tired; then your change will come!!

Therefore, decide today, right now as you read this post, that you will release ALL your evil desires to God and choose Him as your heart desire!!! Then you can say what Jesus said, Who is our example, in John 14:30: 30 ...And he (the evil prince of this world) has no claim on Me. [He has nothing in common with Me; there is nothing in Me that belongs to him, and he has no power over Me]” (AMP – biblegateway.com).

The prince of this world (accuser) will not be able to bring out those evil desires; you will have nothing in common with him!! Those old desires will be gone. Your desire for God will take the place of those evil desires. Choose this day, do you want evil desires to lead you or do you want God to lead you? The choice is YOURS!!! However, choose wisely!! You will have to live with that choice throughout eternality!!

In closing, this is my prayer for you: “I pray that God will shine the light of His truth upon the dark places in your hearts; that God will give you His wisdom, knowledge and understanding, so you can see what’s in you (the desires, the passions, the lust of your heart that are in you) and you can release ALL to Him. And I pray that God will heal you everywhere you need to be healed, in the Name of Jesus. I declare and decree freedom over your life, over your families’ life, and over your ministries, this day, in the Name of Jesus, Amen!!”


May God bless you all!!!
Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Domestic Violence Series for August 7, 2012 "Age Specific Effect of Domestic Violence on Children" (Part 3C)




Domestic Violence Series (Part 3)

Effects of Domestic Violence on Children Victims/Witness Continued :

E.  Age Specific Effects of Domestic Violence on Children – (Part 3C)
Age-specific indicators
1. Infants
  • Basic need for attachment is disrupted.
    • Routines around feeding/sleeping are disturbed.
    • Injuries while "caught in the crossfire".
    • Irritability or inconsolable crying.
    • Frequent illness.
    • Difficulty sleeping.
    • Diarrhea.
    • Developmental delays.
    • Lack of responsiveness.
2.     Preschool
  • Somatic or psychosomatic complaints.
  • Regression.
  • Irritability.
  • Fearful of being alone.
  • Extreme separation anxiety.
  • Developmental delays.
  • Sympathetic toward mother.

3.     Elementary Age
  • Vacillate between being eager to please and being hostile.
  • Verbal about home life.
  • Developmental delays.
  • Externalized behavior problems.
  • Inadequate social skill development.
  • Gender role modeling creates conflict/confusion.

4.     Preadolescence Age
  • Behavior problems become more serious.
    • Increased internalized behavior difficulties: depression, isolation, withdrawal.
    • Emotional difficulties: shame, fear, confusion, rage.
    • Poor social skills.
    • Developmental delays.
    • Protection of mother, sees her as "weak".
    • Guarded/secretive about family.

5.     Adolescent Age
  • Internalized and externalized behavior problems can become extreme and dangerous: drug/alcohol, truancy, gangs, sexual acting out, pregnancy, runaway, suicidal.
  • Dating relationships may reflect violence learned or witnessed in the home. Reference for this section: From Boulder (CO) County Safehouse.
F. What are the feelings of children who are exposed to battering?
Witnessing can mean SEEING actual incidents of physical/and or sexual abuse. It can mean HEARING threats or fighting noises from another room. Children may also OBSERVE the aftermath of physical abuse such as blood, bruises, tears, torn clothing, and broken items. Finally children may be AWARE of the tension in the home such as their mother’s fearfulness when the abuser’s car pulls into the driveway.

Children who are exposed to battering become fearful and anxious. They are always on guard, watching and waiting for the next event to occur. They never know what will trigger the abuse, and therefore, they never feel safe. They are always worried for themselves, their mother, and their siblings. They may feel worthless and powerless.

Children who grow up with abuse are expected to keep the family secret, sometimes not even talking to each other about the abuse. Children from abusive homes can look fine to the outside world, but inside they are in terrible pain. Their families are chaotic and crazy. They may blame themselves for the abuse thinking if they had not done or said a particular thing, the abuse would not have occurred. They may also become angry at their siblings or their mother for triggering the abuse. They may feel rage, embarrassment, and humiliation.

Children of abuse feel isolated and vulnerable. They are starved for attention, affection and approval. Because mom is struggling to survive, she is often not present for her children. Because dad is so consumed with controlling everyone, he also is not present for his children. These children become physically, emotionally and psychologically abandoned.

G. What behaviors do children who witness domestic violence exhibit?
The emotional responses of children who witness domestic violence may include fear, guilt, shame, sleep disturbances, sadness, depression, and anger (at both the abuser for the violence and at the mother for being unable to prevent the violence).

Physical responses may include stomachaches and/or headaches, bedwetting, and loss of ability to concentrate. Some children may also experience physical or sexual abuse or neglect. Others may be injured while trying to intervene on behalf of their mother or a sibling.

The behavioral responses of children who witness domestic violence may include acting out, withdrawal, or anxiousness to please. The children may exhibit signs of anxiety and have a short attention span which may result in poor school performance and attendance. They may experience developmental delays in speech, motor or cognitive skills. They may also use violence to express themselves displaying increased aggression with peers or mother. They can become self-injuring.

H. What are the long-term effects on children who witness domestic violence? – (Part 3A)
Whether or not children are physically abused, they often suffer emotional and psychological trauma from living in homes where their fathers abuse their mothers. Children whose mothers are abused are denied the kind of home life that fosters healthy development. Children who grow up observing their mothers being abused, especially by their fathers, grow up with a role model of intimate relationships in which one person uses intimidation and violence over the other person to get their way. Because children have a natural tendency to identify with strength, they may ally themselves with the abuser and lose respect for their seemingly helpless mother. Abusers typically play into this by putting the mother down in front of her children and telling them that their mother is “crazy” or “stupid” and that they do not have to listen to her. Seeing their mothers treated with enormous disrespect, teaches children that they can disrespect women the way their fathers do.

Most experts believe that children who are raised in abusive homes learn that violence is an effective way to resolve conflicts and problems. They may replicate the violence they witnessed as children in their teen and adult relationships and parenting experiences. Boys who witness their mothers’ abuse are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes. For girls, adolescence may result in the belief that threats and violence are the norm in relationships.

Children from violent homes have higher risks of alcohol/drug abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, and juvenile delinquency. Witnessing domestic violence is the single best predictor of juvenile delinquency and adult criminality. It is also the number one reason children run away.


The last section posted will be “Domestic Violence Series (Part 4) – “Related Articles and Resources for Domestic Violence and Abuse” on Thursday, August 14th.  This section has a wealth of information on domestic violence and where you can obtain more information. God bless and I pray this teaching has been helpful to you! Contact me if you have any other questions @ dehooks@abusedwoman.org.

Shalom!! Dr. Hooks