Domestic
Violence Series (Part 3)
Effects
of Domestic Violence on Children Victims/Witness Continued :
E. Age Specific Effects of Domestic Violence on Children
– (Part 3C)
Age-specific indicators
1. Infants
- Basic need for attachment is disrupted.
- Routines around feeding/sleeping are disturbed.
- Injuries while "caught in the crossfire".
- Irritability or inconsolable crying.
- Frequent illness.
- Difficulty sleeping.
- Diarrhea.
- Developmental delays.
- Lack of responsiveness.
2. Preschool
- Somatic or psychosomatic complaints.
- Regression.
- Irritability.
- Fearful of being alone.
- Extreme separation anxiety.
- Developmental delays.
- Sympathetic toward mother.
3. Elementary Age
- Vacillate between being eager to please and being hostile.
- Verbal about home life.
- Developmental delays.
- Externalized behavior problems.
- Inadequate social skill development.
- Gender role modeling creates conflict/confusion.
4. Preadolescence Age
- Behavior problems become more serious.
- Increased internalized behavior difficulties: depression, isolation, withdrawal.
- Emotional difficulties: shame, fear, confusion, rage.
- Poor social skills.
- Developmental delays.
- Protection of mother, sees her as "weak".
- Guarded/secretive about family.
5. Adolescent Age
- Internalized and externalized behavior problems can become extreme and dangerous: drug/alcohol, truancy, gangs, sexual acting out, pregnancy, runaway, suicidal.
- Dating relationships may reflect violence learned or witnessed in the home. Reference for this section: From Boulder (CO) County Safehouse.
F. What are the feelings of children
who are exposed to battering?
Witnessing
can mean SEEING actual incidents of physical/and or sexual abuse. It can
mean HEARING threats or fighting noises from another room. Children may
also OBSERVE the aftermath of physical abuse such as blood, bruises,
tears, torn clothing, and broken items. Finally children may be AWARE of
the tension in the home such as their mother’s fearfulness when the abuser’s
car pulls into the driveway.
Children
who are exposed to battering become fearful and anxious. They are always on
guard, watching and waiting for the next event to occur. They never know what
will trigger the abuse, and therefore, they never feel safe. They are always
worried for themselves, their mother, and their siblings. They may feel
worthless and powerless.
Children
who grow up with abuse are expected to keep the family secret, sometimes not
even talking to each other about the abuse. Children from abusive homes can
look fine to the outside world, but inside they are in terrible pain. Their
families are chaotic and crazy. They may blame themselves for the abuse
thinking if they had not done or said a particular thing, the abuse would not
have occurred. They may also become angry at their siblings or their mother for
triggering the abuse. They may feel rage, embarrassment, and humiliation.
Children
of abuse feel isolated and vulnerable. They are starved for attention,
affection and approval. Because mom is struggling to survive, she is often not
present for her children. Because dad is so consumed with controlling everyone,
he also is not present for his children. These children become physically,
emotionally and psychologically abandoned.
G. What behaviors do children who
witness domestic violence exhibit?
The
emotional responses of children who witness domestic violence may include fear,
guilt, shame, sleep disturbances, sadness, depression, and anger (at both the
abuser for the violence and at the mother for being unable to prevent the
violence).
Physical
responses may include stomachaches and/or headaches, bedwetting, and loss of
ability to concentrate. Some children may also experience physical or sexual
abuse or neglect. Others may be injured while trying to intervene on behalf of
their mother or a sibling.
The
behavioral responses of children who witness domestic violence may include
acting out, withdrawal, or anxiousness to please. The children may exhibit
signs of anxiety and have a short attention span which may result in poor
school performance and attendance. They may experience developmental delays in
speech, motor or cognitive skills. They may also use violence to express
themselves displaying increased aggression with peers or mother. They can become
self-injuring.
H.
What are the long-term effects on children who witness domestic violence? –
(Part 3A)
Whether
or not children are physically abused, they often suffer emotional and
psychological trauma from living in homes where their fathers abuse their
mothers. Children whose mothers are abused are denied the kind of home life
that fosters healthy development. Children who grow up observing their mothers
being abused, especially by their fathers, grow up with a role model of
intimate relationships in which one person uses intimidation and violence over
the other person to get their way. Because children have a natural tendency to
identify with strength, they may ally themselves with the abuser and lose
respect for their seemingly helpless mother. Abusers typically play into this
by putting the mother down in front of her children and telling them that their
mother is “crazy” or “stupid” and that they do not have to listen to her.
Seeing their mothers treated with enormous disrespect, teaches children that
they can disrespect women the way their fathers do.
Most
experts believe that children who are raised in abusive homes learn that
violence is an effective way to resolve conflicts and problems. They may
replicate the violence they witnessed as children in their teen and adult
relationships and parenting experiences. Boys who witness their mothers’ abuse
are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in
nonviolent homes. For girls, adolescence may result in the belief that threats
and violence are the norm in relationships.
Children
from violent homes have higher risks of alcohol/drug abuse, post-traumatic
stress disorder, and juvenile delinquency. Witnessing domestic violence is the
single best predictor of juvenile delinquency and adult criminality. It is also
the number one reason children run away.
The
last section posted will be “Domestic Violence Series (Part 4) – “Related
Articles and Resources for Domestic Violence and Abuse” on Thursday, August 14th.
This section has a wealth of information on domestic violence and where you can
obtain more information. God bless and I pray this teaching has been helpful to
you! Contact me if you have any other questions @ dehooks@abusedwoman.org.
Shalom!! Dr. Hooks
