We talk about the “Cycle of Violence and Abuse” but what about the cycle of women (and others) who have been in violent and abusive relationships? They keep doing the same thing over and over (getting into the same kind of relationships)! My ex-Pastor
use to say, insanity
is doing the same thing and expecting a different
result! I myself use to go from one abusive relationship after the next looking for the “perfect” man to satisfy my every
needs; that was insanity! First of all, I would not have recognized the “perfect” man if he would have stood in front of me (I was dysfunctional). Secondly, all the guys I was attracting were abusive (they were dysfunctional); two dysfunctional people CANNOT have a meaningful, healthy relationship. And thirdly, the devil had me on the guest for something that I would never
find: the perfect man – there is no perfect
human man.
How many people out there feel what I am talking about? If you have been in an abusive relationship, you know what I am talking about! But today is YOUR day to be set free!! Today is day of victory!! Praise the Lord! Today is YOUR
day to come out of bondage to domestic violence and abuse AND to ALL future abusive relationships (yes I said ALL! Those relationships with guys, friends,
family, church
folk, etc.)!
When God delivered me out of the last abusive marriage in July 2006 that was when I STOPPED attracting abusive guys to my life. During my deliverance, healing and restoration process, God begin taking other
abusive people
out of my life including family, so called friends,
church folk, etc. Now when I meet someone and they try to get close to me, I feel a tug in my spirit if they are not the ones God want attached
to me or in my life in any way. I use to say, “God not them, they are alright;” like God did not know what He
was talking about! Thank You Lord for having patience
with me while You taught me about people! Now when it happens, I
accept what Holy Spirit is revealing about that person, smile at them (if they are still in front of me), and keep moving. I nor you do not have time for people
(the enemy sends into our lives) who are trying to stop our purpose and destiny by causing us to focus on the wrong thing. And focusing on who our next relationship will be with or who our next friend will be or “I am so lonely, I am all alone in the world; I
have no family or friends who care” (which are all a bunch of “on me, oh my” – pity party things)
are distractions sent by the enemy to stop us from knowing who we
are in God and what He has called us to do for His Kingdom and His glory!
I am writing this message
today because God gave me a revelation last night while I was talking with my cousin Mikita;
thank you Mikita for allowing God to use you to speak into my life and for being available
for Him to use you – love you cuz! God wants EVERY woman coming out of an abusive relationship to know that He is the ONLY One who satisfies
your every needs,
your broken desires,
your disappointments, fulfills
your love life, fills EVERY
empty space that causes you to feel alone,
to feel separated
from family, friends,
people, to feel you are all alone in this world, to feel you need another man – you can’t live without a man (this is a lie
from the pit of hell).
Note: Before I continue, let me pause and say that in this particular message,
God is speaking specifically to women who have just came out of an abusive relationship. I am one part of the Body of Christ
who God has given a message to specifically abused
women; not that men or others in abusive relationships does not matter! I have an assignment
from God to speak to who He tells me to speak to and not who others want me to speak to; I have to obey God! I am saying
this to keep things clear and not cause confusion. When God give me a message for everybody I post it and when He specifically say this is for this category or that category of abused women, I have to state that in the message. Now,
let’s continue!
Abusive relationships can be like a drug – especially if they are very, very sexual; the devil has you thinking all I need is another “fix” or “I can’t live without a man.” Yes, you can!! I know!!
God brought me out of seven (7) abusive marriages!!! Now my desire is for Him to do everything in me that has to be done BEFORE He put the right man (the one that is compatible
to me) in my life!
The devil tried to play with me with the lies that I can’t live without
a man or “oh I am so lonely;
nobody cares about me – boo hoo;” But God kept leading me towards Him! God put healthy,
nourishing people in my life who
loves Him and who He
knows will lead me in the right way. I can say right now, I have two godly, close
friends in my life that I can talk with and I have friends who are Pastors
that God is using to speak into my life – when I put out to you all, I need someone
God has chosen to speak back into my life to replenish me. Most of all, I thank God
for my Pastors, my covering whom God has assigned
me to and them to me so they can watch over my soul and give me the Word as God gives it to them; love you all Pastors and appreciate you all (not saying his and her name because I do
not have permission to post their names
in my messageJ).
When God took the last abusive man out of my life in
October 2006 (we got
divorced in July 2006 but
I kept the door open trying to help him, thinking
he will change if he go to church – NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT- he did not want to change!
I was thinking if he “got saved” maybe God would allow him to stay – NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! If God says the man is not compatible with you, He means it! I have been married
to a “man of God” before but he was not compatible to me – when God bring you out, close that door UNLESS He
says go back!!), I thought
I would die!! I told my daughter, “I can’t live without him, I am going to die!” My daughter said, “Mom you are not going to die!” Thank you Chandra for allowing God to use you to speak that into my life, love you! If I would have accepted
that thought from the enemy,
I probably would have been dead today; that was not the first
time the enemy had put suggestive thoughts in my head
about dying or killing myself.
It is imperative for you women coming out of an abusive relationship to know today that God and only God can give you the inner healing
you so desperately need for your recovery
out of the bondage
of domestic violence
and abuse; just because you leave does not mean you are out! When God brings you out, you are fragile,
broken, has low self-esteem, fearful, anger, bitter, vengeful, confused, etc. – you got ALL this stuff going on inside of you – the LAST thing you need is another man!! You need the Healing Balm of Gilead (GOD) to flood your very being and wash you; saturate
every wound and hurting place in your life! Can’t no man, money or any other thing or any other person (male or female)
satisfy you! God is the ONLY One who can go deep inside you and heal your heart and give you that inner healing you need!
If you listen to Holy Spirit as you read this special message from God, today will be the last day you chase your tail by going around and around in circles, getting nowhere! Decide, today is the day that you are going to stop listening
to the lies of the devil which tell you “you need a man” or “you can’t live without a man” or “you are so lonely, you just need a companion” or “nobody loves you;” and his lies goes
on and
on! Don’t listen to him anymore!!!
Yes, I know today is
Memorial Day and you are focusing on your family and friends whom you are still
chilling with but this is also a day for you to get your freedom!
God wants to set you totally
free TODAY from thinking that a man or the next relationship or the next material
thing can make you complete
and happy – this is a lie from the pit of hell; the devil tells abused women especially these things.
The devil wants you to go running around looking for the “perfect” man who can satisfy you; the “perfect” man who can take away the lonely feelings – but there is NO perfect
human man!! There is NO knight in shining armor that is going to come sweep you off your feet and ride off into the sunset with you – that’s some Hollywood stuff!
Your life is real and it is time to wake up and face YOUR life!! YOUR life is a reality NOT a fairy tale!!!
Turn off the soap operas and face the reality of YOUR
life!! That is the only way you are going to heal – you cannot bury what happened to you – it was real and it happened – now it is time to recover
from it by facing it and dealing
with it!! It is time to put away foolish things, foolish
ways of thinking and seek God; the ONLY One who can deliver
you from the trauma and
bondage of what you suffered when you were
in that abusive relationship!
Make up your mind today that you are going to STOP listening
to the lies of the devil!!! The devil wants you to spend all your life looking
for that “perfect” man or “perfect”
woman who is going to come in your life and take ALL the loneliness
away and who will complete
you and that’s not going to happen!!!! There is no human man who can live up to your standards!!! Why? Let me tell you what the Bible
says about a person who is in the flesh:
Jeremiah 17:9 – “The heart is deceitful above
all things and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?”
Mark 7:21 – “For
it is from within, out of a
person’s heart, that evil
thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder....”
This is just some of the Scriptures which show the state a man’s heart is since the fall of Adam and Eve. Therefore, do you think, that a man or woman who has not been born again, I mean really born again (who has had their heart changed by God) can love you the way Christ
says for a man to love his wife in Ephesians 5:25
(as Christ loves the church)? No, without God it will not happen!!
God is the ONLY One
who can change the heart of a person and your heart!
That is why I keep saying in my teachings, make sure before you get into ANY
relationship where you are bringing people into your life or your children
lives (if you have any), God has ordained
them to be there! It might sound strange but I have lived EVERYTHING that I am telling you about – that is how God uses me; He will not allow me to teach or talk about anything
unless I first experience it – I just don’t talk to be talking.
I had no clue that when I woke up today that God would have me to spend all day writing this message
to you all; I thought I was
going to rest. I am
being obedient to God!
I know what it feels like to be in one relationship after another looking for that person to satisfy your needs; to fill that empty, deep, lonely place within! I know
what it feels like to drink yourself to death (I died once from mixing pills and alcohol and I passed
out and almost died the second time from drinking too much alcohol)
trying to fill that empty, deep, lonely place within! I know what it’s like to be
destroyed by people who you thought were your friends
(church and secular),
by your family (after they used you up, they had no more use for you), by members of clergy who deliberately hurt you, all because
of that empty, deep, lonely place inside of me – I wanted friends, my natural family
to love me and church family to love me which I thought surly they would but instead, they all abused me in one way or another.
When I looked for love, it was not always in the wrong place! I know what it feels like to become a shopaholic trying to fill that empty, deep, lonely place within me with material things – I would only buy name brand things and they were the best – I
had to have the best of everything so I would shop at stores like Saks and Neiman Marcus;
me go to Wal-Mart? NEVERJ. It was nothing for me to pay $500 or more for a purse or spend $200 on a hat or shoes; the more expensive
it was the better I felt about myself. I only carried Gucci purses until Coach came out and then it was Coach; still carry
my Coach purses and like to shop at expensive places but I know now things does not put a value on who I am – I
know who I am in Christ!
But I thought all that material
stuff would make me “happy” but it did not; true happiness begins on the inside of you by accepting Jesus as your personal
Lord and Savior and allowing God to change your heart – that is the real “new birth” experience – you can say the sinner’s prayer all day long but until God get a hold of your heart and change you from the inside out, you are the
same old person you use
to be and will continue to do the same old thing you use
to do! Life is all about allowing
Jesus in your heart so God can change you and allow Holy Spirit to lead, direct, comfort and guide you
for the rest of your
life!
God is sending me to you today; this is your day to have a heart transplant! The most important sacrifice was when Christ died for you and me; He gave His life so we could live – not
exist but to live the
abundant life (John
10:10).
The answer to cure the feeling of loneliness, hopelessness, unlovable, emptiness, etc. (all insecurities) caused by abusive relationships, rejection, abandonment, neglect, sexual abuse or any other cause that is in your life is a deep, intimate
relationship (one on One) with God. However,
the only way to have a relationship with God is through
His Son Jesus; accept Jesus as your personal
Lord and Savior. God wants to deliver you from those cravings for a man; for the next relationship when you have not healed yourself.
God is the Only One, I cannot express this enough,
who can complete you – NO MAN or MATERIAL POSSESSIONS
can!
Once God has healed
you, then and only then will be able to have a healthy relationship! When it is time, ask God for a man after His own heart to come into your life – the man should love God with all his heart,
all his soul and with all his mind (Matthew 22:37) –
just as you should BEFORE you get
into another relationship –
then you will cling to God and not to the man; you will not be a “needy” woman.
Okay, this is the bottom-line:
When the loneliness hit or when you feel you are all alone, nobody cares or you have no family or friends
in this world or you need a man (it will happen),
don’t believe those lies from the enemy because you do have Somebody
– God!! God said He would NEVER leave you nor forsake
you (Hebrews 13:5; Deuteronomy 31:6,8; Joshua 1:5)! God
is there with you, waiting on YOU to open the door (accept Jesus as YOUR personal Lord and Savior)
so He can come in and begin your deliverance,
healing and restoration process
– this is your first step to
your total freedom!!
The deeper your relationship with God becomes,
the less you will feel empty,
lonely, insecure
and abandoned. See, you were created for God’s glory and the emptiness
you feel inside is a longing
from your spirit man to have a deep, intimate relationship with God; your Creator! No one can satisfy you but God! Your flesh will have you running
all over the place, getting
into EVERYTHING so it can be satisfied;
it will deceive you –
there is no satisfying the flesh!
This is why you must be born again of the Spirit of God by accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior!! Then Holy Spirit will baptize
you and give you power to resist all wrong relationships,
power to live right
in the sight of God, help in your daily walk so you can have fellowship
with God, and reveal all
truth to you; you will not follow the lies of the devil no longer.
I am extending an invitation for you to become
born again (regenerated) today; I am inviting you to choose life by choosing Jesus
Christ as your personal
Lord and Savior! God is giving you an opportunity today to start your life anew; He will wipe your slate clean if you come to Him NOW!! Jesus has already completed
the work for you; all you have to do is accept what He HAS done!! Titus 3:5 lets you know you cannot
save yourself and it shows Holy Spirit’s role in your salvation
(“new birth”):
“He saved us, not because of righteous things we had
done, but because of his mercy.
He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit” (NIV).
Once Holy Spirit
comes into your life (lives on the inside of you) He will comfort
you in the middle of the night (or any other time) when that lonely feeling
comes. He will whisper
to you when you need a comforting word or become afraid. Holy Spirit will give you direction
and guidance for your life. Your total freedom from EVERY
bondage is in your next move!! Accept Jesus as your personal
Lord and Savior and live for real!! Let Jesus take you into the bosom of the Father so you can experience real love and so God can engulf you with His peace that surpasses
all your understanding (Philippians 4:7) today! Don’t
wait! Jesus is waiting
with His arms wide
open to embrace YOU!!!
God bless you all,
Dr. Hooks
