Domestic Violence Series for July 24, 2012 "After Leaving the Abusive Relationship" (Part 2B)

Domestic Violence Series (Part 2)

Explanation of Domestic Violence and Abuse – How to Live An Abusive Relationship

 Continued:

After Leaving the Abusive Relationship: - (Part 2B)

• Change locks and phone number.
• Change work hours and route taken to work.
• Change route taken to transport children to school.
• If you have a Temporary Protective Order, keep a copy with you at all times.
• Inform friends, neighbors and employers if you have a Protective Order in effect.
• Give copies of Protective Order to employers, neighbors, and schools along with a picture of the offender.
• Call 911 if abuser violates the Protective Order.
• Consider renting a post office box or using the address of a friend for your mail.
• Replace wooden doors with steel or metal doors. Install security systems if possible.
• Install a lighting system that lights up when a person is coming close to the house (motion sensitive lights).
• Call the telephone company to request caller ID. Ask that your phone be blocked so that if you call, neither your partner nor anyone else will be able to get your new, unlisted phone number. Reference for this section: http://heart-2-heart.ca/women/page11.html.              

Safety Plan for Domestic Violence Victims

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline web site, domestic violence is “a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.” Abuse comes in many different forms: physical, emotional, economic, or psychological actions and threats. Domestic violence can affect anyone; it does not discriminate. Whether you are rich or poor, you can become the victim of abuse. But remember: you are not alone; there is someone to help you.

Safety Plan During Violence:

• Move to a room with easy access to an exit and where there are no weapons (knives, etc.).
• Know and practice the quickest route out of your home.
• Pack a bag but have it hidden and easily accessible.
• Tell your neighbors to call the police when they hear a disturbance.
• Have a code word to use with your child (ren), family, and friends to let them know you need help.

Safety Precautions for Leaving:

• Have a safe place to stay that can protect you and your child (ren) already decided.
• Call a domestic violence victim service program for information before you leave.
• Find someone you can trust to leave clothes, keys, and copies of documents with.
• Open a savings account in your name only and have check direct deposited.

Safety and Emotional Health:

• Get support from a domestic violence crisis help-line and attend women’s support group.
• Domestic violence victim support is provided by Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks, dehooks@abusedwoman.org.
• For your protection, meet the abuser (if needed) in a safe place with another person.

Safety and Your Children:

• Tell schools and childcare who has permission to pick up your child (ren) and give them code word.
• If possible, give school and childcare a picture of the Abuser.
• Exchange child (ren) in a safe place for visitation exchange.

Answer questions to create personalize plan:

1.      If I decide to leave, I will_____________________________________________.

2.      I can keep a bag ready and put it_________________________________ so I can leave quickly.

3.      I can tell_________________________________________about the violence for them call the police when violence erupts.

4.      I will leave money and an extra set of keys with____________________________.

5.      I will keep important documents and keys at_______________________________.

6.      The domestic violence hotline is ________________________________________.

7.      The shelter's hotline is ________________________________________________.

8.      I will rehearse the escape plan and practice it with my children.

9.      I can change the locks on my doors and windows as soon as possible.

10.  I will teach my children how to use the phone to make collect calls to me and to ___________________________________ (friend, family, minister) if my partner tried to take them.

11.  I will tell the people who care for my children, who have permission to pick them up. My partner is NOT allowed to pick them up. Inform the following people:

 School______________________________________________________________ 

     DayCare___________________________________________________________

   Babysitter__________________________________________________________

Teacher____________________________________________________________

12. I can tell the following people that my partner no longer lives with me and that they should call the police if he is near my residence: 

Neighbors_____________________________________________________________
                  Friends_______________________________________________________________

13. I can call the local domestic violence agency if I am not sure how to register my protection order with the police departments.

14.If my protection order gets destroyed, I know I can go to the County Courthouse and get another copy.

15. I can tell my boss, security, and _________________________________________ at work about this situation.

16. I can ask__________________________________________________________ to help screen my phone calls.

17. When leaving work, I can do the following:   

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

18. When I am driving home from work and problems arise I can:

_______________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

19. If I use public transportation, I can: _________________________________________

20. If I feel depressed and ready to return to a potentially violent situation/ partner, I can call:  __________________________________________________________________________

A Child's Own Safety Plan Print out this page and fill it in by hand. Keep it with you to read in times of crisis.

My Safety Plan When I get scared I can think about __________________________________________________________________ When I get scared I can go to __________________________________________________________________ When I am feeling down or afraid I can talk to __________________________________________________________________ These are the safe exits from my house __________________________________________________________________ In an emergency I can __________________________________________________________________ My Important Numbers My phone number _______________________________ The police _______________________________ A neighbor, friend or relative's number________________________________ _______________________________

Alabama's Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-650-6522 Help is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence, P.O. Box 4762, Montgomery, AL 36101

Click here for PDF version... 

Next section posted will be “Domestic Violence Series (Part 2) – “Explanation of Domestic Violence and Abuse” – “What Can You Do If You Suspect Someone You Know Is Being Abused?” (Part 2A) on Thursday, July 26^th.

Shalom!!

Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks