(Photo reference: https://ilifejourney.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/gods-being/)
“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (biblegateway.com – NIV).
Time is out for allowing people you love to treat you any kind of way; just because you love them does not give them the right to mistreat you nor does it make it okay!! Do not allow anyone, I do not care who they are, to mistreat you in ANY way!! If the ones you are giving and showing love to do not reciprocate (click here for meaning) your love, do not waste your time or energy on them – when you do, you are approving their bad behavior!! You need to love them enough to tell them the truth; tell them about their bad behavior!! If they want to do right, they will seek to change if they do not, then be led by God as to what to do!! Hear me by the Spirit of God!! I am talking about those people who love you only for what you can do for them or for what you give them; these type people are predators and they have no intention of changing!! I am not saying God cannot change them, I am saying they will not allow Him to change them!!
Yes, there are times when there are things going on in a person’s life that he/she does not know about but if the person is constantly destroying people’s lives and enjoying it, something is VERY, VERY wrong with him/her!! Most of the time those type of people are either sociopaths (this site gives a full definition of them) or narcissistic or both or they have other personality disorders and they need to seek help!!
But that is out of the question for them, because they will not admit they have a problem; they blame EVERYBODY else for what is going on – they do not take any responsibility for what they are doing!! The last man I was married to was a sociopath, and a narcissi which included being a pathological liar also, so I know about them!!
You know very well when people are mistreating you; you may not admit it but you know!! The Bible tells us to do unto others as we would them do unto us (Luke 6:31)!! I live by Luke 6:31; I treat people like I want to be treated but I am not treated the same 99.9% of the time!! It hurt me but that is okay; that is God's way of showing me who is who; who is REALLY for me and who are not for me!! When He does, I shake the dust off my feet with these people!! Not saying I don't still love them but as my Granny used to say, "Feed them out of a long handle spoon!" Which mean, if you see them, you speak, have a conversation (or not), and keep it moving; no more hanging out or talking on the phone – no more trusting them with my business – what is going on in my life!! These people are poison and will corrupt your spirit because they keep hurting you over and over and this keeps your spirit in an uproar; conflicts are not good!! Again, I do not care what category they fall into (family, friends, associates, etc.), ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!
I am DONE allowing people to use me in ANY way!! I love myself too much!! I learned that I cannot help everybody and God did not call me to help everybody; I have to help the ones He has assigned to me – I have to “stay in my lane” as the saying goes! We get into trouble by going outside of God’s will so from now own, I will do what God says, no more and no less!! I have learned my lesson!!
Love is an action word so people who SAY they love you should have no problem putting that love into action by SHOWING they love you!! Stop being people's doormat!! This is a new day and a new time!! People will continue to use and abuse you until YOU stop them; stop their bad behavior!! Don’t enable them to mistreat you, let them know you are not going to allow them to be in your life with that type of behavior!! You pray and pray but they do not stop; you know why, God is not going to go against YOUR will!! YOU are choosing to stay in the relationship with that person who are mistreating you!! You know deep down who they really are but will not admit it; God has shown you them over and over but you ignore Him!! It is time to make a change and once you make up in your mind to make that change, God will show you a way out!! I am telling you this because I was in your shoes!! The husband (if you want to call him that-he was a man I married not a husband) I had, was the devil from the pit of hell in disguise!!
God told me not to marry him but I did and spent the whole time with him (over three and a half years) in pure hell!! He tried to kill me on many occasions (for all who do not know my testimony, read it in my book, “Unholy Matrimony: Healing For The Abused Woman”)!! I was stuck in a dead end marriage, not from God but ordered by the devil; I was too afraid to leave, had nowhere to turn (some of my family members did not believe I was being abused – that how good he was at manipulation – even friends who I had known for over twenty years turned against me for him after meeting him for the first time), was backslidden from God, and felt all alone!! But God was with me, He did not leave me even though I disobeyed Him (at the time I did not know God was with me)!! Now that is REAL love!! God will NEVER abandon us, no matter how many mistakes we make; God will NEVER turn His back on us!! Long story short, I finally came to myself after I had almost died again (first time I literally died and God brought me back)!! I went to my Pastor in Ft. Lauderdale FL and she prayed for me and I gave my life back to God!! God delivered me from that man in Sept 2006 and I have not been in any other abusive relationship!!
The devil did not give up trying to destroy me; since then he has put numerous people (family and "church" folk - these are the people I deal with the most) in my life to totally destroy me, but again, God did not allow it to happen!! The devil could not do it through the last guy I married (God told me that the devil sent that guy into my life to totally destroy me but God kept him from succeeding), so he has sent these other folks in my life to try and try and try again!! Hahahaha, but God is protecting me and will continue to protect me!! Each time it happens, I get a little wiser; God gives me wisdom for the next time and each time, I can spot them more quickly than before!! My discernment is getting sharper so I can more easily recognize the wolves in sheep's clothing BEFORE they get too close!! I am NOT boasting in myself but I AM boasting in MY God Almighty, who loves me and will NEVER let my enemies triumphant over me!! NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER!! People might think they are slick, and they probably are, because the devil is cunning, but they are not more powerful or knowledgeable than the Holy Spirit; NO ONE can fool the Holy Spirit!!
So you see, what I am saying here is what I have experienced all my life; I have been used and abused by a lot of people (more than I can count) whom I loved and only wanted the best for!! I gave them my last and put them before myself, BUT NO MORE!!! I will always show people the love of God but I know now that the love of God is NOT allowing people to use and abuse me and it is NOT me doing anything for their approval!! I ONLY seek to please ONE Person now, and that is God Almighty!!
I am NOT looking to please people anymore!! If they like me, that is good, if they don’t, that is good too!! As long as God loves me and I please Him with my life that is ALL that matters!! I did not learn this on my own, it was the Holy Spirit who taught me what REAL love was; the God kind of love!! We have to be schooled by the Holy Spirit, our Teacher, Comforter, Guide, and so much more, on how to love people with God's love and not our human love!! We cannot love without God because He is love!! We must understand what love is and what love is not from God's point of view; not our own or anyone else's point of view!! The Bible tells us what love is in 1 Corinthians 13; verses 4-7says:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
In verses 5 and 6 we see that it says love does not dishonor others or delights in evil!! These are what people who do not love you do; these things are what abusers and users do!! And YOU CANNOT keep allowing them to mistreat you!!
We need to study this over and over until we know and understand the love of God, then we will be not only be able to treat people with respect and love them as God loves us, but know who people are to treat us!! I would like to share a message by Rick Warren titled, “Love Others the Way God Loves You” I received yesterday from my daughter with you all: Click here!!
In closing, I pray that God open your eyes to the people who does not need to be in your life as He did me!! I also pray that when God does, you listen!! Be directed by God to leave any relationship!! Just as God led the children of Israel out of bondage, He will lead you out of bondage IF you allow Him (this a great example to show that God does not want us to be abused by others!! God does not abuse us and He will not allow others to abuse us!! BUT IF WE decide to stay and allow it, it will continue to happen!!)!!
The late Dr. Myles Munroe said years ago that we need to pray that God take the people out of our lives who does not need to be there and put the ones in our lives who does!! Dr. Munroe also said “When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable!” When people do not know or care about your purpose, they will abuse you!!
That is why it is so very important to be in God ordained relationships; even casual relationships – you want to always make sure you are connected to the right people!! Amos 3:3 says: “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (biblegaeway.com – NKJV). The Message Bible has this translation: “Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren't going to the same place?” (biblestudytools.com). The answer is “NO” they cannot; no way can two people walk together, go to the same place, and not be connected in the spirit!! This is the main reason to have Kingdom covenant relationships!!
Song of encouragement: For King & Country “Proof of Your Love!”
May the peace of God guard your hearts and minds ALWAYS!!!
Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks
NOTE: These materials are copyright protected therefore you must request permission to reproduce any part of this material. To request permission, please contact Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks: drdehooks@abusedwoman.org.
