What
Are Acceptable Boundaries of a Friendship?
by Jill Avery-Stoss, Demand
Media Google
Healthy boundaries are
prerequisites for healthy relationships.
Boundaries are the personal limits that, when appropriately
instilled, demand respect from others. They
can be physical, emotional, spiritual or sexual in nature. They can fluctuate
throughout the course of a relationship and tend to vary from one relationship
to the next. For instance, you may be comfortable with one friend borrowing
your car but unwilling to do so with another friend who tends to be
irresponsible. Because boundaries are so
personal, there are no rigidly defined rules regarding which are acceptable.
But there are basic guidelines common to healthy, functional friendships.
Physical
Limits
There
are some physical boundaries that are quite standard in relationships,
particularly friendly ones. Abusive behavior, such as any unwanted sexual
contact, hitting, punching, pushing and kicking are unacceptable. Many people
also expect that their friends will respect their private spaces, such as
bedrooms and backpacks. Hugs and other
gestures of support and comfort are commonly acceptable depending on the level
of intimacy in the friendship. Additionally, spending too much time together
can violate the need for privacy.
Emotional Limits
Just
as in the case of physical boundaries, actions and behaviors of others that are
abusive are typically unacceptable. Name-calling, criticisms and unfounded
accusations are examples of emotional manipulation. Some friendly relationships
do allow for teasing, as long as the subject-matter is not a sensitive subject
for the person on the receiving end of the joke. For instance, a close friend
may laugh along with some teasing about a bad haircut, but be offended and hurt
by a joke about an accomplishment she worked hard to achieve.
Spiritual Limits
Spiritual
limits relate to the difference between appropriate and inappropriate conduct
toward a friend's religious beliefs, states marriage and family therapist
Darlene Lancer in her article for Psych Central, "What Are Personal
Boundaries? How Do I Get Some?" They
(boundaries) extend beyond religion, though, and encompass attitudes and
actions that affect a friend's moral principles, values and overall sense of
self. It would be wrong, for example, to deride someone who chooses to
attend church or temple services.
Overextending friendship
Personal
boundaries are not only about refraining from abusing or offending others, but
also overextending yourself or trying to take care of them.
It can be challenging to witness a
friend who is in pain or otherwise struggling with problems in life. While
it is a friend's role to offer support and encouragement, it is wrong to try to
fix someone's problems. Rescuing others from their turmoil is not helpful to
them because it prevents them from taking responsibility for themselves.
May God bless you and keep you,
Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks
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