In this teaching, we
are going to learn why setting expectations are harmful to us; it causes us to
become disappointed in others and our self. First, let’s see what the
definition of disappointment is. According to Oxford Dictionaries.com,
disappointment means: “The
feeling of sadness
or displeasure
caused by the nonfulfillment
of one’s hopes
or expectations.”
Setting expectations for others cause us to become
disappointed when they do not do what we think they should do. We get
disappointed because we have set expectations for that person we should not
have; we cannot expect people to behave or say what we want. God gives everyone
free will and what people do with their free will, is none of our concern.
We have no right to get upset with anyone for what WE thought they would or would not do. For example, if you thought your friend should
call since you was going through a crisis, and he/she did not, do not get upset
if the person does not call. In your mind, you set that expectation, they never
said they would call, you thought they should call because you was going
through. In reality, you caused your own self to be disappointed when you set expectations
for them; YOU allowed the accuser of
the brethren to plant a seed of discord in your mind against that person for no
reason. Yes, thoughts are going to come to our minds but we must bring every
thought captive unto the obedience of Christ (2
Corinthians 10:5 – biblegateway.com - NKJV).
We cannot set expectations for others
and expect them to comply with our wishes, when they have no idea of what our
wishes are for them. Do it make any sense whatsoever to expect a person to call
you, come see you, etc. when they have no clue you are expecting anything from
them? NO, it does not!
See how the devil can
play with our minds if we don’t take those negative thoughts captive? The enemy
puts negative thoughts in our minds against people, to sow discord between us
and them; these people can be natural or spiritual families, friends, or
associates. I cannot reiterate this enough, WE MUST pull down EVERY negative
thought the enemy brings to our mind about someone or something! It is the accusing spirits working with the
spirits of unforgiveness that brings these negative thoughts to a person
against others; these spirits opens the door so the principality of bitterness
can be setup in the person’s heart. If you would like to learn how accusing
spirits operate and how to stop them, click here to go to a teaching I
adapted from Dr. Art Mathias’ book,
“Biblical Foundations of Freedom Destroying Satan’s Lies With God’s Truth,” titled, “Accusing Spirits”
which is Chapter 3 in the book. Click here to go to the teaching on
“Principality of Bitterness,” which is Chapter 5 in Dr. Mathias’ book.
The devil wants us to
stay bogged down with unforgiveness and other junk so we cannot hear and obey
God; if we cannot hear God speaking to us, we cannot obey what He is
specifically telling us to do. If our hearts are full of unforgiveness, the
devil knows God cannot forgive us, so he wants to make sure we do not get rid
of unforgiveness; the accusing spirits work overtime making sure we do not
forget what the person did to us or what we thought they did. Click here to go to the teaching on
“Forgiveness,” which is Chapter 7 in Dr. Mathias book. I have adapted Dr.
Mathias’ complete book into teachings, with his permission, if you want to
study these teachings, go to my online school web site: http://recovery4abusedwoman.org/awmsoh-lectures.html.
Disappointments can cause us to become angry! Every
time we get angry with someone because they did not do what WE expected them to do, we are setting
expectations for them! LET US STOP! We are ONLY
hurting ourselves; we can also be damaging valuable relationships, as well as
getting out of our place of peace. We should NOT expect a man or woman to do anything for us; look to God for ALL we need and God will send that
right person to help, as when we really need it.
Not long ago, I used
to get angry with people when I texted them and they did not respond
immediately; I EXPECTED them to
respond back to me immediately and when they did not, I got hurt which caused
me to get angry. I did not take into consideration they could have been busy or
in a crisis situation themselves. I now realize, it was selfish of me to expect
the person to drop everything and text me back; it is selfish for us to expect
people to do what we want, when we want, and not be concerned with what they
have to do in their own lives.
We
should not expect people to cater to our needs when we want them to! God is the
ONLY One who should expect to help
us! People will fail you, whether they mean to or not; they are fallible. Instead
of putting our confidence and trust in people (our expectations), we MUST
put our trust and confidence in God. Psalm 118:8 says: “It is better to
take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people”
(biblegateway.com – NLT).
5 Thus says the Lord:
“Cursed
is the man who trusts in man
And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the Lord.
6 For he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
And shall not see when good comes,
But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness,
In a salt land which is not inhabited.
And makes flesh his strength,
Whose heart departs from the Lord.
6 For he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
And shall not see when good comes,
But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness,
In a salt land which is not inhabited.
7 “Blessed is the man
who trusts in the Lord,
And whose hope is the Lord.
8 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.
And whose hope is the Lord.
8 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.
9 “The heart is
deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it?
10 I, the Lord, search the heart,
I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways,
According to the fruit of his doings.
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it?
10 I, the Lord, search the heart,
I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways,
According to the fruit of his doings.
Why not choose TODAY, to let go of ALL alts, unforgiveness, bitterness,
anger, offend, etc., etc. against anyone who YOU think who has disappointed you down through the years, until
now?
It is NOT worth you being clogged up with
junk in your heart because someone disappointed you; your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19) and we are to glorify God
in our body and spirit, which belongs to God (1 Corinthians 6:20 – biblegateway.com – NKJV).
Sometimes,
people will disappoint us, they are not perfect. But we cannot throw people
away because we disagree with what they do or did to us. We must show people
the same grace God shows us; love them for who they are and do not try to
confirm them to the way we are or who we want them to be. We must pray for
these type of people and leave them in the hands of God! In Matthew 5:43-45, Jesus said (biblegateway.com – 21st
Century King James):
43 “Ye have heard that it hath been said,
‘Thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy.’
44 But I say unto you, love your enemies,
bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them
that despitefully use you and persecute you,
45 that ye may be the children of your
Father who is in Heaven. For He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the
good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
The way for us not to be disappointed by others is to
choose to not expect anything from people; people have free will and are not
subject to OUR expectations. Once we learn this and begin walking in it, we
will not be disappointed again. Also, we will be able to live in peace with our
brothers and sisters and our lives will change for the better.
I
am adding an article by Dr. Mort Orman, entitled “Are You Expecting,” that has some good
information that will help you. Here is some of what Dr. Orman says in his
article:
“We human beings are always
"expecting." In other words, we are always having expectations. Lots
of expectations. Some we are consciously aware of. Many others, we are not.
Expectations are always there, however,
in the background of our daily experiences. Whether we are attuned to them or
whether we are oblivious to them--which too often is the case--our expectations
come into play in a multitude of subtle ways.
A Major Source Of Human Stress
Why focus on expectations? The main
reason is that expectations are a common source of stress in our lives. They
frequently create all sorts of mischief, including emotional distress,
relationship conflicts, communication breakdowns, misunderstandings, distrust,
and a wide range of other common problems.
Expectations produce stress in two main
ways. One is that they are frequently untrue or unrealistic. The other is that
most of the time, we are completely unaware of them. Individual expectations
are not very complicated. They often consist of simple ideas such as "life
should be fair," "people should be honest," etc. It's the fact
they are hidden from our view that gives them so much power over us.
When we consciously or unconsciously
harbor expectations that are much too high, we set ourselves up for failure. As
a result, we end up feeling frustrated, angry, and personally demoralized.
On the other hand, when our expectations
about ourselves, about life, or about others are too low, we experience
decreased self-expression, underachievement, depression, resignation and diminished
self-esteem.
When you become consciously aware of
your hidden expectations, however, this can free you from being dominated by
them. You can look at a specific expectation such as "Life should always
be fair" and ask yourself "is this really true?" When you pause
to think about this question for a moment, you will often see things in a much
more accurate light.
Of course life isn't fair. Tornados
aren't fair. Street muggings aren't fair. Death isn't fair. Betrayals aren't
fair.
The point is, once you become aware of
an untrue or unrealistic expectation, YOU gain the power to free yourself from
it.”
May God bless you all and
keep you all and help you set realistic expectations,
Dr. Dorothy E. Hooks
